Those Words given by A Dad That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - taking a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."